The other day I was casually telling a new acquaintance about a pigeon that had laid two eggs on my doorstep. (I find speaking about city vermin the best way to make new friends and a solid first impression.) I went on to tell them about how the little critters had hatched and made our porch into a danger zone guarded by a possessive and angry mother pigeon. Before I knew it questions were flying from every angle, all eyes were on me, the stage was mine…
“Wait, you actually saw a baby pigeon?”
“That’s like a modern day myth!”
“Yeah, no one ever sees a baby pigeon.”
“What did it look like?”
Apparently, there is quite the legend in London about where baby pigeons come from. Who would have known my most riveting story would be the one about two ugly birds squatting outside my flat. If anything I was disappointed that my other great stories were overshadowed by this one. Only after I had this conversation did I realise I had missed an opportunity to be creative (and a little misleading) with my answers. I could have told tales of woe and invisibility and superpowers! It was a chance to use my spontaneous storytelling skills. Unfortunately I simply said:
“Er yeah, they’re pretty ugly, like grey, and they have kind of squashed curved necks…”
Inspiring, I know!
So after deciding this story would be my new party trick I decided to do a little research on how much people actually knew about baby pigeons. Not sensible, encyclopedia type research but realistic, forum chat type research. Here were some of my favourite theories:
‘Pigeons don’t have babies. New pigeons grow inside old pigeons until they explode out of them. This sound logic explains why you never see pigeons nests, eggs, or babies.’
‘You never see baby pigeons as pigeons are a myth and they are in fact all just ugly ducklings.’
‘The reason why you never see baby pigeons is because they have all been in a secret recording studio with the Chuckle Brothers, making a rap song as a crew… to be released soon and entitled “to me, to you”.’
All pretty legit, I think you’ll agree.
However, I’ve decided to make my experience much more elaborate. I can’t tell you what it is, of course, because then when you inevitably hear it years and generations from now you would know it’s a lie. I will tell you that it involves herbal tea, TK Maxx and a huge conspiracy theory.