The Diagnosis

We have your diagnonsis.
Is it serious?
Oh no. Just unhappiness, lack of satisfaction and no aspirations.
That sounds pretty serious…
Not at all! About 80% of the population share your ailment.
Don’t worry. It’s completely normal.
Well, is there a cure?
It can’t be cured I’m afraid but there is a treatment.
Oh God, what is it?
Please calm down, miss. There’s really nothing to worry about. It’s completely normal.
Just tell me what the treatment is.
It’s television.
Yes, seven times a week and if that isn’t sufficient we’ll prescribe you extra texts, Facebook and Instagram.
And that’s meant to cure me!?
Treat. There’s no cure.
There has to be a cure!
This is just something you’re going to have to come to terms with. Rest assured, it is normal.
What about learning or traveling? Or, or, I don’t know… dancing!? Singing!? Anything!
I’m afraid it’s too late for that.
What do you mean it’s too late? I only just found out I had it!
Let me just explain how the treatment works. Maybe that will make you feel better.
It won’t. I don’t want the treatment.
I’m afraid you’re going to have to accept that the only way you can treat your condition is by living vicariously through fictional characters and digitised friendships.
What? I can’t do that, I can’t live like that!
You’ll get used to it, many people do.
Well… I shouldn’t really say but most people self-prescribe.
How can they do that to themselves?
You’ll get used to it. Honestly, miss, it’s completely normal.


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