Self Diagnosis

Thank goodness for persistent, obsessive, medical research! I finally have some closure. (Please don’t assume this is going to be a touching post, you will be sorely disappointed.)

I’ve been saying for years that I would feel so much better if my flaws had some kind of official title. Then I could mention my ‘conditions’ confidently rather than nervously explaining my weird quirks in the hope that someone else might share them too.
I have three main issues that have finally been, shall we say, ‘diagnosed’:

1. No Sense of Direction
It is a genuinely, distressing problem with no cure and, even worse, no sympathy!

2. An Extrememly Short Fuse, Particularly With Repetitive Noises
It sounds stupid but I really cant stand them; clicking, loud eating, irregular breathing, ticking, repeatedly humming the same tune, most things that happen more than three times to be honest… It’s a curse!

3. Terrible Memory
I mean, a ridiculous memory, to the point of wondering if I’m missing a bit.

Well here’s the moment of truth, my diagnosis! Click the links if you want to know where I got the research from but rest assured I am happy no matter how questionable the source is.

1. Typographical Disorientation
The inability to make use of selective spatial information (eg., environmental landmarks) or to orient by means of specific cognitive strategies such as the ability to form a mental representation of the environment.”
This term may be taking advantage of scientific jargon a little bit but it does the trick. I think there was also a mention of a head injury being essential for this condition but I do fall over a lot so it’s definitely plausible.

2. Misophonia
“Literally “hatred of sound”, is a rarely diagnosed neuropsychiatric disorder in which negative experiences (anger, flight, hatred, disgust) are triggered by specific sounds.”
I love this one. Anything with ‘onia’ or ‘obia’ at the end is much more official! This condition is the real deal.

3. Forgetfulness
So, this one is as unexciting as it sounds but what’s positive is that I’m completely normal (apparently)! So, you can all stop moaning about having to repeat yourself to me now. Hah!

I’m feeling better already. I recommend doing some tedious research of your own quirks for a bit of a confidence boost. Failing that, make up some names and use them instead. I’m sure that’ll work just as well seeing as I’m going to have trouble remembering any of these…

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