The 24 Worst Things About Writers

We’re a funny old bunch, us writers. Let’s stop and reflect on our less admirable qualities…

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1. We never write!
It is a well-known fact that writers spend all their time trying not to write.

2. No one can say anything to us in confidence.
There is no guarantee that anything you say or do will not be used for a story.

3. We do not use our time wisely.
If we have all day to write, no commitments, no tasks, you won’t find us writing. You’ll probably find us tidying the house so it’s ‘ready for us to write in’.
But… In a rush to get out of the house? Late for a party? Got a doctors appointment? We’ll be writing up to the very last moment!

4. We’re always thinking about writing.
Or our websites, or blogs, or story plans… Anything but what you’re talking to us about basically.

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5. We have a writer face.
We don’t quite know what it is, but it’s there. Everyone we live with knows when we’re writing immediately.

6. We do not take feedback well.
Despite our constant nagging for people to read out stuff, anything they say about it usually doesn’t go down well.

7. Writing is always our priority.
Day job? Kids? Eating? Not important, we’re writing! And we assume that our writing is everyone else’s priority too… Sorryyy!

8. We fit the stereotype.
There is definitely a writer ‘type’ and none of us want to admit to being it.

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9. There are only a select few questions we are willing to answer.
Are you a writer? Yes. Have you ever been published? Pass. What have you written? Pass. What’s your book about? Pass.

10. We’re not sure how we feel about the limelight.
We want our books to be best sellers, but then we’re not too keen on the idea of fame. Then again, if anyone even thinks of stealing the vaguest one of our ideas then we will freak out…

11. We’re always having our ideas stolen!
Who cares if we’ve had it in a box for 15 years, Disney stole our idea, we should sue them!

12. We’re constantly nicking ideas.
Not purposely! We’re just really good at remembering films and books and those memories falling into our writing…

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13. We keep trying (and failing) to be creative in other ways.
We think that because we’re the author of our stories then we should miraculously be able to draw amazing pictures to go with them… Not so much, we better stick to the writing!

14. We think our worst work is our best work.
You can guarantee that the piece we’ve been gruelling and slaving over, the one that we think is the best thing we’ve ever written, will not go down that well…

15. We write well accidentally.
On the other hand, that thing we wrote on a napkin in our lunch break will get all the attention and praise in the world! How does that work!?

16. We take some people’s opinions really seriously for no real reason.
That bloke we chat to on the Internet, he’s a genius! And that woman we see in our local cafe, she’s an expert! But, you, the person who has read every draft of everything we’ve ever done… Nah, you don’t know what you’re on about.

17. We hate readers.
Yes, we know that for our book to be read we need readers, but must they be so difficult to please?

18. We hate stories.
Oh, the irony. We have tonnes of ideas but if you tell us to put it into a story plan then I’m afraid we’re busy.

19. We keep running back to writing.
We say we’re quitting but we just can’t keep away. It’s a never-ending love affair!

20. We have a fascination with words.
And we will correct you and question you on your choice of language.

21. We don’t believe in ourselves.
I recently read a quote “worrying is literally betting against yourself”. Welcome to the writers life!

22. We are competitive about our typing speed.
For some reason, we seem to think that the speed of our typing directly correlates to our writing talent, and we will flaunt our touch-typing skills to prove it.

23. We can’t seem to get into a writing routine.
Monday – write every 5 minutes for 1 minute
Tuesday – cry for an hour and then eventually write for half an hour
Wednesday – do ‘research’ (film watching/internet trawling) and don’t write.

24. We’re obsessed!
We even write about writing. Exhibit A here…

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