A Letter From Secondary Character To Main Character

Dear MC,

Quite honestly, we’re fed up of your shit! You’ve taken advantage of us for long enough. We’ve been putting up with your drama for one-hundred-and-thirteen pages and we just can’t take it anymore. We’re characters too and we all have lives of our own. However, due to your greedy possession of the plot, these lives cease to exist, literally. Here’s a list of our discrepancies:

1. You are self-obsessed! You only talk about yourself. A bit of small talk, like asking us how our days were, would be great. The world book doesn’t revolve around you, y’know! Well… it does, but that’s not the point.

2. You’ve been dealing with the same problem for days/weeks/months, it’s time to move on!

3. No matter how much good advice we give you, somehow you manage to make the situation much much worse. It’s almost like you want the plot to become more twisted and difficult.

4. We keep trying to drop hints and foreshadowing to no avail. We feel like you purposely ignore what we’re saying sometimes. You need to LISTEN!

5. You have absolutely no sense of time. We’re all desperate to sleep and eat but you keep interrupting us with another chapter. Just have some consideration, dude!

6. We hate it when you narrate what you’re thinking. We can all hear you and we don’t appreciate it when you say mean things about us straight to our faces.

7. Following on from that, speaking out of the side of your mouth doesn’t make you a narrator. You look like an idiot.

8. You keep pausing to think and reflect right in the middle of conversations. FYI, it really kills to mood when you suddenly stop talking like that.

9. You are reluctant to have any more than ten characters in your life. You need to branch out a bit, meet new people and stop focusing only on people who can further your plot!

10. Also, your life story seems pretty similar to that book the author just read… Just letting you know.

In conclusion, we will not be collaborating until these issues are rectified. Expect the author to have massive writers block over the coming days! Good luck finishing your story now, biatch ;)

Yours sincerely,

The SC’s

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